I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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