she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
