I just cut my nipple shaving
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
