I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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