i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
