Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
