Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
