Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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