So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you still have your period?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
