your thong is hanging out like whoa
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
