Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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