haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
