Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize