Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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