I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
