Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
