people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
