I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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