I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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