my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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