i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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