Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
