he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize