Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
