I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
