Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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