I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
