Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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