you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize