I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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