New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
