Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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