I wish my penis had an off switch
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
