you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
