Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
