But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
