Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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