Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
