I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
