I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
foreskin is a definite game changer
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
