i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
