I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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