so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
as a side note pls kill me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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