P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
