I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
