i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
