in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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