From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize