I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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