im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
