either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
