JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
