you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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