this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
