It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
