I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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