Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Vodka?
Forever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
