True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
