im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
