If i come over, it means nothing
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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