he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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