it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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