Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
