Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
