eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
