in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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