What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
