I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
