it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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