You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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