Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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